Almost
seven
years
ago,
my
partner
and
I
took
an
ill-advised
road
trip
for
a
wedding
with
our
nearly
one-month-old
child.
In
those
early
days,
our
kid
cried.
A
lot.
Loudly.
In
the
confines
of
an
SUV,
this
meant
a
nightmare
of
constantly
pulling
over
to
try,
desperately
and
often
in
vain,
to
quell
the
woes
of
this
tiny
fleshy
sack
full
of
our
combined
genetics
that
has
no
understanding
of
our
world.
That’s
where
things
like
the
“intelligent
puppet”
Iruyo,
a
two-piece,
fluffy
animatronic
toy
with
the
claimed
ability
to
recognize
when
a
child
is
sleeping,
ostensibly
comes
in.
Iruyo
was
designed
by
Nissan
in
partnership
with
an
ad
agency
and
a
retail
baby
product
chain
(so
we’re
already
off
to
a
great
start)
as
part
of
a
marketing
campaign
to
promote
Nissan’s
driver-assistance
features,
according
to
Wired.
Iruyo
reportedly
uses
similar
tech
to
the
automaker’s
radar
and
camera
sensing
abilities
to
watch
your
child’s
eyes
and
tell
you
when
they’re
sleeping.
Here,
get
a
load
of
it
in
this
ad:
So,
there’s
the
big
Iruyo
—
a
muppet-y
robot
that
emotes
with
its
hands
and
arms
and
can
sing
songs
for
your
kid.
If
it
detects
that
they’re
sleeping,
it
relays
that
info
back
to
a
smaller
Iruyo,
which
sits
up
front
with
you
and
apparently
closes
its
eyes
when
your
child
goes
to
sleep
so
you
know
they’re
resting.
You
know,
like
what
you’d
use
a
mirror
for
but
pricier
and
less
informational.
Ah
yes,
the
child
is
sleeping,
or
possibly
something
else.Image:
Nissan
Wired
writes
that
a
set
of
“specific
voice
commands”
can
trigger
Iruyo
to
play
peek-a-boo
or
clap.
It
seems
designed
to
solve
the
dual
problem
of
a
crying
baby
and
the
powerful
need
of
a
parent
to
have
a
content
child
that
they
can
observe
but
can’t
because
their
car
seat
is
facing
away
from
them.
A
couple
of
problems
here.
For
one
thing,
a
furry
avatar
that
can
close
its
eyes
when
my
kid
does
won’t
solve
a
damn
thing.
I
have
to
be
able
to
see
my
child’s
face
for
more
reasons
than
just
to
know
if
they’re
sleeping
or
awake
—
somehow,
I
very
much
doubt
Iruyo
is
equipped
to
let
me
know
my
kid
has
vomited
all
over
the
place
or
has
attempted
to
swallow
the
hardened
remnants
of
a
french
fry
I
missed
last
time
I
cleaned
out
the
car
seat.
CALM
YOURSELF,
CHILD.Image:
Nissan
The
other
thing
is,
seriously,
have
you
ever
tried
to
calm
a
baby
in
full
panic
meltdown
mode?
A
robot
that
claps
or
whatever
might,
maybe,
keep
them
from
getting
there,
sometimes,
but
they’re
not
usually
screaming
because
they’re
bored.
They’re
screaming
because
they
pooped
and
their
butt
is
covered
in
diaper
rash
that
you
swore
wasn’t
there
this
morning,
or
because
they’re
hungry,
or
their
stomach
hurts,
or
their
diaper
is
bunched
up
in
a
weird
way,
and
it’s
pinching
them,
or
a
million
other
possible
reasons.
It’s
hard
to
guess
at
a
baby’s
facial
expressions,
but
I’m
calling
this
one
“wariness.”Image:
Nissan
And
when
they’re
in
that
place
—
where
their
eyes
are
slammed
shut,
and
they’re
wailing
in
uncomprehending,
helpless
misery
—
the
tinny
song
of
a
crappy,
flailing
robot
toy’s
speaker
won’t
calm
them
any
more
than
soothing
jazz
music.
Your
best
bet
and
only
recourse
is
to
put
on
Bob
Seger’s
“Against
the
Wind”
and
pray
you
find
somewhere
to
turn
off
soon
so
you
can
change
a
diaper
in
the
trunk,
enduring
the
knowing
sympathy
of
passing
parents
right
along
with
the
indignant
anger
of
the
childless
while
you
curse
the
day
you
decided
to
make
this
trip
in
the
first
place.
But
as
skeptical
as
I
am
of
this
thing,
I
also
recognize
that
no
two
children
are
alike,
and
neither
are
their
parents.
Maybe
Iruyo
could
work
for
some
folks
—
and
besides,
it
never
hurts
to
have
options,
right?
It’s
not
clear
if
Nissan
is
truly
responding
to
parents’
needs
or
if
it’s
just
cynically
appealing
to
the
feelings
generated
in
the
darkest,
most
sleep-deprived
moments
of
parenthood.
Big
companies
are
constantly
pitching
technology
to
solve
parents’
needs,
but
they
don’t
always
nail
it
—
see
Owlet’s
baby
vital-monitoring
socks
that
had
to
be
rejiggered
after
a
nearly
two-year
FDA
ban
or
the
$1,700
FDA-approved
smart
baby
crib
that
apparently
doesn’t
work
any
better
than
a
normal
one.
There’s
nowhere
near
as
much
at
stake
when
it
comes
to
Iruyo,
of
course.
Just
your
dollars.
(Originally posted by Wes Davis)
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